


An Officer and a Gentleman

by cmere



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: M/M, Stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 13:19:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmere/pseuds/cmere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I’m Officer Bluth,” the stripper said, “but tonight, you can call me Gob.”</i>
</p><p>Tony's friends get him a stripper from the Hot Cops to celebrate his magic anniversary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Officer and a Gentleman

**Author's Note:**

> So many thanks to reallycorking for the beta!

“POLICE! OPEN UP!”

Tony’s heart leapt into this throat. Had somebody complained? Why wouldn’t they have called hotel security first? Were they doing something illegal?

After a brief moment of panic, he realized the rest of the room had burst into delighted giggles, and he figured out that it wasn’t actually the police.

“Better get that, Tony!” Rollo said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Tony’s face broke out into a grin.

“You _guys_ ,” he said before getting up and striding to the door. He swung it open to find a man dressed as a police officer, crouched on the ground with his arms covering his head. “Hello?”

“Hi,” the stripper said, quickly standing and straightening his hat. “I’m afraid you boys have had some complaints.”

“Complaints?” Rollo piped in from behind Tony. “What sort of complaints, officer?”

“That this gathering is a group hedonistic sexual perverts and you all need to be locked up,” the stripper said. The entire crowd of men broke into cheers. 

“But officer,” Fernando said, “we’re just trying to celebrate Tony Wonder’s magic anniversary—it’s the date he performed his first ever magic show. There’s nothing perverted about that!”

“Which one of you is Tony Wonder?” the stripper said, narrowing his eyes.

Tony gulped. He didn’t mean to be so dramatic, but he had always been nervous around authority figures. Even when they were actually male strippers…or maybe especially when they were male strippers.

“I am,” he squeaked.

“I’m Officer Bluth,” the stripper said, “but tonight, you can call me Gob.” There was a smattering of giggles. “I’m afraid I’m going to need you to sit in that chair there, son, so I can ask you a few questions.” He raised his eyebrows, hand trailing over his baton. Tony moved quickly to the chair and the rest of the magicians spread out on the couches and chairs around him, all leaning forward with their eyes wide like a bunch of hungry, drooling dogs. Tony sat back, trying to look less excited than the others, even though his heart was pounding. He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants.

“First of all,” Gob said, his voice low and gravelly, “We’ll need to dim the lights.” As though his words commanded inanimate objects, the lights dimmed. “Second of all, we’ll need some music.” 

A funky, jazzy beat filled the room, and Tony looked around, trying to figure out where it was coming from.

“And third of all,” Gob continued, “I’ll need Tony to tell me if he’s willing to share me with his friends.” He looked directly into Tony’s eyes and waited for the answer, hands running slowly over his thighs.

The men in the room all screamed. Tony could feel the stripper’s eyes trained on him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the bulge underneath his dark blue pants. He nodded dumbly and the men screamed even louder. Gob broke into a grin and began to sway his hips back and forth.

“Then let the show begin,” he said, and threw his hat into Tony’s lap.

It wasn’t the first time Tony had seen a stripper—it wasn’t even the first time his friends had gotten him one for a private party. Tony enjoyed strippers because they were the perfect mix of sexy and cheesy, two characteristics he prided himself on being, and also because you could look but not touch, and there was nothing Tony liked more than being endlessly teased. Usually, the men and women he was with were so excited to sleep with him that they ended up just throwing themselves at him and he never got to take his time. With a stripper he had no choice.

Gob’s cop uniform was extremely tight-fitting and Tony found he liked the way he looked in it so much that he was almost disappointed when he started unbuttoning his shirt.

“So there’s something to celebrate tonight,” Gob said, sidling up to Tony and nudging his leg between Tony’s knees. “A magic anniversary?” Tony stared up at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Gob was looking straight back at him, rolling his hips a little and waiting for a response.

“That’s right,” Rollo chimed in when Tony failed to answer. 

“Are all you gentlemen magic fans?” Gob asked, turning to face the room but leaving his leg between Tony’s thighs. The magicians cheered loudly. “Who here thinks your friend Tony can make my shirt disappear?” The resulting mix of yells and hoots was deafening. “What do you think, Tony? Can you do it?” Gob winked at him and leaned closer, much closer, his body grinding smoothly against Tony’s without actually touching him. He leaned in, breath hot on Tony’s ear, and whispered, “Unbutton it.”

Tony did as he was told, but he was shaking hard enough to make the unbuttoning a challenge. _Why_ was he so nervous? It was just a stripper. A hot stripper, yes, but Tony had been with plenty of hot men before. He was also pretending to be a cop, but Tony knew rationally that it was just a costume, and also that he hadn’t done anything illegal this time. Still, his hand fumbled as he tried to grip the button between his fingers.

Gob was right up in his face and his groin was brushing Tony’s thigh as he rolled his hips. He slid his hand down Tony’s cheek, never breaking eye contact, the intensity of his gaze overwhelming. Maybe that was why Tony was having such a hard time getting more than one button undone. Suddenly, Gob sat down in his lap.

“Just rip it open,” he murmured in Tony’s ear. “Do it.” 

Tony complied, grasping the shirt on both sides and tearing it apart. Buttons scattered and the crowd cheered as Gob shrugged it off slowly, exposing his back a little at a time. Tony’s eyes widened at the noise; he had almost forgotten anyone else was there. He focused on Gob’s smooth chest in front of him and his mouth dropped open a little.

“You’re cute,” Gob said with a grin and then stood back up, spinning around before putting on a big show of removing his belt. He removed the baton and ran it down his chest before bringing it back up to his mouth, rubbing it against his lips and flicking out his tongue. Tony wasn’t sure why it was so arousing to see a man he didn’t even know licking an inanimate object, but it was. Maybe because Gob’s lips were red and swollen, Tony noticed, and he rubbed the baton so lazily, like he was giving you a blowjob that you should be fucking thankful you were getting since it was only happening because he was in the mood. Tony fucking _loved_ those kinds of blowjobs.

Once Gob had removed the belt, dropping the baton on the floor, he grabbed the crotch of his pants and yanked. They ripped off in his hand, leaving him in a sparkly purple thong with an impressive bulge. Rollo screamed loudest of all at this, which clearly caught Gob’s attention, because he shimmied over to him on the couch.

“What’s your name?” Tony heard Gob ask before turning around and shaking his ass in Rollo’s face.

“Rollo the magician!”

“Another magician, huh? Then I need you to do some magic for me, too,” Gob said, bending over and reaching into his bag. He pulled out a can of whipped cream and carefully sprayed a line on his backside. “Do me a favor and make that disappear, will you, Rollo?”

He bent over again and Rollo’s eyes went wide. Tony was disgusted by the hungry, desperate look on his face as he leaned close to the stripper. Didn’t he have any self-control?

Everyone screamed, clapping as Rollo’s tongue snaked out along Gob’s ass, licking up every last drop of whipped cream. Gob was practically bent in half, hands on the floor. Rollo’s hands had been hovering without making contact, and they finally landed on Gob’s thighs. Gob whipped around immediately.

“No touching,” he said. “Not unless you’re invited.”

“Got it,” Rollo said. He didn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed. Tony was definitely disgusted.

“That goes for all of you,” Gob added, looking around at the group. “The Hot Cops do not tolerate touching of any kind.”

Everyone murmured their agreement. Gob suddenly smiled widely and began swaying back and forth again.

“Then let’s get back to the party,” he said, and everyone cheered.

Gob had the group eating out of his hand. He danced around in his purple thong, sauntering up to each magician one at a time and rubbing himself all over them—rolling his hips in front of their faces, draping them on the couch in extreme sex positions, and pretending to fuck them. Throughout all of it, he kept looking at Tony. Tony knew he was just a stripper, though, and Tony was the guest of honor, so it was only logical that the stripper would be focused on him. Right?

He tried to remind himself of that as his dick twitched when Gob’s eyes met his. He was bent over in front of Fernando and when he looked up, Tony found the look of lust on his face arresting. _That’s what he’s getting paid for,_ Tony told himself. _To look like he wants to fuck you. That’s literally his job._

It didn’t make his erection any less painful.

Gob made his rounds and the magicians had fun doing stupid little magic tricks that Gob pretended to be impressed by. Tony found himself annoyed by how hard they were trying, and even more annoyed by how excited Gob got after each one. Rollo produced a bouquet of fake flowers? Gob gasped and clapped. Fernando made a dildo appear from beneath a red silk handkerchief? Gob giggled and pretended to give it a handjob, eyes boring into Tony as he grasped it.

By the time Gob danced back over to him, Tony was aching with want. He wanted to touch Gob and feel Gob touch him. He wanted to tear that stupid thong off with his teeth. He felt ridiculous; he’d never been so taken in by a stripper before, but there was just something about the way Gob kept _looking_ at him—

“Miss me?” Gob murmured, eyes locked on him as he placed his hands on Tony’s shoulders and straddled him, settling in on his lap. Tony took a single deep breath, trying to slow the quick, shallow puffs escaping him. He felt like he couldn’t get enough air.

Gob’s body was draped over his and he grinded unapologetically into Tony’s lap, breathing hotly along the shell of Tony’s ear. Tony kept his hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair, not daring to move them for fear he would accidentally brush Gob’s body, and Gob would leave. Tony had some stupid little magic tricks he could do, too, but at this point he just wondered if he’d be able to get through the night without coming in his pants.

“Want to play?” Gob said, raising an eyebrow at Tony as he leaned back a little. Tony nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Gob reached behind him for the can of whipped cream, sitting up on his knees, and sprayed a line along the perfect little dip by his hip bone. Tony looked up at him and Gob nodded encouragingly, one corner of his mouth quirking up. Tony leaned down, all too aware of how close his mouth was to the erect bulge under Gob’s purple thong. He slowly sucked every bit of whipped cream off Gob’s hip. Without realizing it, he had brought his hands up and they were on Gob’s ass, holding his body close to Tony’s mouth. Too late, he dropped his arms like he had touched something hot. Gob laughed a little and reached down, taking Tony’s hands and bringing them back up to his ass. Then he sprayed another line of whipped cream along the waistband of his thong and rolled his hips once toward Tony’s face.

Tony bit his lip. He had a feeling if he leaned forward to lick off the whipped cream, he wouldn’t be able to stop there. Gob placed a gentle hand on the back of Tony’s head and guided him down, and the lust Tony was experiencing overtook him. He flicked his tongue over the sweet whipped cream, dipping down below the waistband a little and then back up, down and back up. Gob’s fingers were gently massaging the back of his head and Tony let his hands slide down the backs of Gob’s thighs, fingers curling in between his legs.

Tony had cleaned off the whipped cream but he didn’t stop. He took the waistband of the thong between his teeth and tugged gently at it. Gob moaned and Tony looked up at him in surprise. Was that part of the act? It had to be. He reluctantly let go of the fabric and it snapped back against Gob’s skin. 

“Do you want to take it off?” Gob said in a low, gravelly voice, so only Tony could hear. He felt like Gob could see inside of him with the way he was looking at him. He nodded. “Not yet.”

Gob slithered back down Tony’s body, fingers trailing over his chest and stomach as he made his way onto the floor. Tony was vaguely aware that his friends were still in the room, hollering at them, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Gob’s. Soon, Gob was kneeling in front of him, hands on Tony’s thighs, spreading his legs apart and fingers creeping up toward his groin. Tony gripped Gob’s shoulders, so turned on he thought he might actually come then and there, without his dick being touched at all. Gob exhaled, hot on Tony’s cock through his pants, and then bobbed his head up and down, simulating oral sex. His fingers crawled up Tony’s chest and then raked back down. Tony was nearly delirious.

After a moment, Gob climbed back up into Tony’s lap, straddling his thigh and starting to grind on him. He kept his eyes locked on Tony’s face and Tony couldn’t look away. He had given up on even trying to follow the no touching rule and let his hands come to rest on Gob’s hips, fingers dipping under the waistband of his thong. Gob’s arms circled his neck.

Suddenly, Tony realized the steady sound of cheers and applause that had been present throughout most of this were suspiciously absent. He looked around, past Gob’s chest, and his heart started hammering as he saw the room was completely empty.

“Everyone’s gone,” Tony whispered, his voice hoarse. Gob craned his neck around to look.

“They are,” he said. “Also…my time is up.”

“Oh,” Tony said. “Okay.” He looked down. It had just been a show. All the arousal and attraction he was feeling was entirely one-sided. It was going to be a quick, sad masturbation session after Gob left, Tony was realizing.

Then Gob tilted Tony’s chin up, forcing him to make eye contact again. Tony felt his lip quiver; he was so stupid. This was just a stripper, doing his job. Tony was going to have to _pay_ him before he left, since the other guys had all run out on him.

Suddenly, before he could even register what was happening, Gob’s mouth was pressed against his. He kissed Tony enthusiastically, with lots of tongue, arms wrapped tight around Tony’s shoulders. When they broke apart, Tony was gasping for air.

“I’m sorry!” Gob said quickly. “I shouldn’t have—I mean—I’m not a prostitute or anything, just a stripper, I just—just—”

Tony kissed him again, threading his fingers through Gob’s hair. Gob’s lips were soft and slick with spit and the way they moved against his own felt amazing. Gob melted into him, readjusting so he was straddling Tony’s lap, and he rolled his hips against Tony’s, the friction unbelievable.

“Can I?” Tony asked, fingers playing with the strap of Gob’s thong again, and Gob nodded, lifting his hips so Tony could pull it all the way down his legs and off. Tony loved having Gob on top of him like this, completely naked, especially when he was still fully clothed. He squeezed Gob’s ass and then ran one finger lightly along his cleft and Gob shivered in his arms, letting out a breathy moan.

“Too many clothes,” Gob murmured, pulling Tony’s shirt up to untuck it from his pants. Tony could feel Gob’s fingers against the skin of his stomach, pulling on the button of his pants and sliding down the zipper, and it all made him feel frenzied. He attempted to move enough to allow Gob to pull his pants and boxer briefs down over his hips until they were scrunched around his thighs. The bunched up fabric underneath him wasn’t entirely comfortable, but Tony quickly forgot about that when Gob’s mouth mashed against his at the same time as his hard cock slid up against Tony’s. Tony’s entire body jerked a little and he moaned. Gob’s hand stretched to fit around them both, holding them close together, and then Gob began to thrust, mouth trailing over Tony’s neck and leaving wet, sloppy kisses along the way.

Tony was all tensed up, his hips jerking a little into Gob’s hand, feeling Gob’s cock up against his own. It wasn’t the pure, consistent pleasure of getting jerked off; it felt good, still, but it was sexy in an entirely different way, just knowing that Gob was holding them both in his one hand, most of the friction coming from Gob’s own cock against his. It was sexy because Tony felt close to him like this, and he loved how Gob couldn’t keep his mouth off Tony for longer than a second. It was sexy because it felt like Gob was fucking him and he was fucking Gob at the same time.

Tony took Gob’s face in his hands and pulled him close, their lips touching but not kissing, not really, just breathing in each other’s air, eyes locked on each other. Tony slipped his hand between their bodies, wrapping it around Gob’s hand, around both of them, and they groaned almost in unison. Tony laced his fingers between Gob’s and slid his other hand around the back of Gob’s neck and they were thrusting together and panting together and tangling their tongues together and Tony could feel he was close, so close. 

He closed his eyes and let the sensations wash over him—Gob’s slick mouth against his, their fingers intertwined, Gob’s cock rubbing and rubbing up against his—and his hips stilled as he came. He gripped the back of Gob’s neck and held their mouths pressed tight together, letting out a series of moans as Gob worked him through his orgasm, hand flying over his cock. 

When his body finally started to relax, Tony let his tongue slip into Gob’s mouth for a languid kiss. He nudged Gob’s hand off his softening cock and took Gob’s in hand instead. Gob was still hard so Tony held him firmly, thumbing over the wet head and then starting to move his hand quickly. The kiss became urgent, fast and sloppy as Gob’s hands came to rest on Tony’s waist, and before long his hips were snapping up into Tony’s hand as he came. Tony didn’t stop until Gob was completely finished, and even then he kept rubbing him a little, enjoying the slide of the slick come over his cock.

Finally, Gob whimpered and stilled Tony’s hand. He slowly, carefully shifted his body so that he could curl up against Tony’s side. Tony’s arm had found its way snugly around Gob’s shoulders, and Gob’s head fit perfectly against his chest.

“I’ve never done that before,” Gob said shyly and pressed a kiss to Tony’s neck. “With a client, I mean. You were just…mesmerizing.”

“I didn’t know if you liked me or if you were just pretending,” Tony admitted. “You know, for better tips.” He felt Gob smile against his skin.

“I’m actually a magician, too,” Gob said, his fingers dancing along Tony’s forearm. “I’m thinking about starting something like an alliance of magicians. You know, where we swear not to reveal our secrets and protect each other and stuff. So many magicians these days will give up their illusions to make money, it’s not right.”

“That’s an amazing idea,” Tony said, surprised. Had he been subconsciously attracted to this stripper because he was secretly a magician? That would explain a lot.

“I’m glad you think so,” Gob said, smiling up at him. Tony smiled back and leaned in to kiss him. When he pulled back, Gob was holding up a red rose.

“Poof,” he said, and Tony grinned.


End file.
